Running went good today. Or as good as it gets. This is Marathon Weekend in Disney. I'm jealous I'm not there. I'll be there next month so I shouldn't be too jealous.
Emotionally I'm kind of bummed out. Sometimes you get into fights or things don't go as planned. And it gets to the point you don't know how to fix it. That's where I am right now. I'm just trying to get through each day.
I started today with a work out. This was great. Okay so the workout was a little rough, but I did my best.
After working out I headed to work. Work was pretty good. It's a nice break from the craziness of the holiday season.
My team had a meeting. Listening to the meeting made me feel kind of sad, kind of bad, kind of confused, but also the need to talk to someone. I talked with one of my managers and went over how I've been feeling. It was good to talk about it and know I'm not the worst at work. (Not that I thought I was, but just in general the bad feelings that have lived inside lately.) I won't lie, there were tears. I mean I don't talk to anyone so it makes sense.
I'm hoping that I regain some spark over the next few months.
I was tired. Not surprising. I was up a little late last night binge watching Grey's Anatomy.
I felt okay. I don't know how to explain what okay feels like, but you just do. Maybe it's more like content?
I ate some awesome cheese fries! They were great. Maybe I shouldn't be happy I had such bad food, but I couldn't have wanted anything else.
I'm going to spend my night watch The Martian. I just finished the book a few days ago. I should probably see one of the best movies of 2015 sooner or later.
Speaking of books, I put out a goal on Goodreads to read 36 books in 2016. I wanted to read 24 in 2015 and read more than that. I don't force myself to read certain things, or new books, or whatever. I let myself read whatever. Maybe it's book I've read 100 times already. Maybe it's history. Or a mystery. Or a love story. Or a graphic novel. I just let myself read.
So I'm currently reading The Cuckoo's Calling by Robert Galbraith (or J.K. Rowling as you may be more familiar with).
It feels like yesterday that 2015 was starting. And at the same time 2015 felt like it never ended.
I was thinking of resolutions. You know the silly things that you throw out the window by day 3. I try to not give myself resolutions. (We all want to lose 5 pounds or stop eating junk food. Save money. Whatever. We all do it.)
This year I thought of something else though.
This blog started as a way to talk about my running. And the charities I was running for. At some point during the last year I lost that love of running. I thought it was due to our bad winter, but even the good weather didn't change anything. A lot of times I run from myself. And the feelings that I have.
So my resolution this year is to:
Write everyday how I feel. I'm hoping this helps me with my anxiety and depression. It's been awful this past year. And I don't want to do it anymore.
This isn't going to be pretty. Some things aren't going to have much detail.
How'd I feel today?
I felt a lot today.
I was partially nervous knowing this is what I was going to put out there. Even though I don't know who would ever read this. It's still scary.
I felt happy. Getting to spend some time with friends during my shift and at lunch.
I felt pissed. There's some underlying things happening. I won't get into detail based off of what it is. But it makes me mad.
I felt sad. This kind of goes with the losses thing.
I felt let down. (See above. Get what I'm trying to say?)
Maybe I'll feel the same tomorrow? I can only imagine that some things will still be there. Maybe things will be a little different. We'll have to see tomorrow.